My Life

2008-06-09T20:31:00.002+08:00

a sudden urge of coming back here to blog.
cos i tink everyone would have forgotten this blog.

oh well.
i feel unjust.
but. wad can i do?
would u even listen to me?
all u know is from the other side of the story.
wad abt the flipside of it?

i am not wanting u to side me or wad.
but dun talk as if u push all the blame to me.
so to u, i am really such a sucky person?

ya. maybe dar is right.
with all that u have now, u would not even care who i am.
and u will just treasure wad u have now.
and me. i am just a passerby in ur life now.
great reward after all.

haha. i shall laugh abt it.
laugh how dumb i am, and how clever u are.
really. claps for u =)

2008-03-18T14:08:00.002+08:00

drama drama drama.
its time to end.
i shall be the first lead to die.
and leave this drama for good.
lingering and lingering. what do i get?
hurt, pain, tears. and the list goes on.

ya. so wad if everyone thinks that its unfair to me?
truth and reality just wouldnt change for me.
ya. so much so of believing this is 'reality'.
i can only have all myself to blame.

one belief that is left.
the one that i love is gone. for good.

i have only myself to depend on.
the end of story.
a cruel and painful one.

2008-03-18T11:04:00.002+08:00

childhood fren might be right.
when will this drama end?
and its time to exit from this emotional roller coaster ride and move on to smth else.
why why why.
why do i want to take this roller coaster ride at all?

seeing the paragraph.
heart pounded, eyes watered, blood gushing.
why. why do i want to be so affected?

ya.
u have moved on. so quickly that i cant even imagine.
wadver u say changes everyday.
so wad now?
to believe that u guys wun be an item?
and tml, all these will be a facade.
so wait. wads all these shit for?

~~dun u tink u are just being a little cruel to me?~~

2008-03-17T08:28:00.004+08:00

realized the hatred in me now.
din realize it at all.
its just ~~fucking~~ spoil my day.
how wish i can punch u into ur face.
and say yes, i did this on purpose.

whose pain is greater now?
was it urs or mine?

wad a way to start my week.
~~fuck off~~

2008-03-16T22:59:00.002+08:00

i regret.
to trust u.
a halt just in time, before hurt is done.
another human playing ard the 4 letter word.
u dun deserve love at all.
~~f* you~~

2008-03-16T14:43:00.004+08:00

i am totally lost sometimes.
and i do not know wad to do.

realised a few good pointers which i should believe in.
everyone is a clear suface.
pain and hurt are the super-duper-difficult-cleared-dirt.
when hurt is done, these dirt will adhere themselves to the clear suface.
the dirt will only be cleared after much effort put in and also when time goes by.
when someone sets in again, this someone will be the paint to cover up the old suface of u.
it covers the dirt if they are not cleared.
when this someone leaves again, the layer of paint will be gone as well.
wads left is more dirt and the old suface of u.
the amt of dirt is too much to be removed by then.
pain wil be unbearable as well.

love is simple. and its just a kind of an emotion.
its just human race that makes it complicated.
as they desire, they configure in a way that they want love to be.
in the end, humans are unable to excute the simple value of those 4 letters.
treasure love, make it simple.

yes.
i got to admit that i still have feelings.
i still love and i still miss.
but give me time, one day, i will stop loving and missing.
i will.

2008-03-16T01:35:00.004+08:00

oh no.
i tink my mind is screwed.
sheesh.
this is not good at all.
better wake up before anything regretful happens.
*slaps*

2008-03-15T19:33:00.006+08:00

stay over was nice (:
though our activities were not as packed as it was supposed to be.
in conclusion, we...
shopped for food, played bridge and bball, cooked (haha. nice), watched tv, sang, soaked ourselves in jacuzzi(for 2 hours!!!), bathed, had supper(goodnessly sinful, but nice dim sum), had alittle bit of beer, slp.
and next morning, cooked (again, buang to the max), clear up, attempted to watch step up but we all slp, home sweet home.

its tiring but fun.
i had muscle ache all over and my nose is running vigorously.
thats not good.
feel that the sickly virus are camping in my body now.
oh noo...

it feels good to chat till our lungs out.
rmb-ing the past, how do we gt to know each other, the changes.
its a long long long journey, it will and definetly will go on (:
cant really exclude anybody out of this life journey, everyone who has been with me for these few years, ur names are mentioned. haha.
i guess all of u would have felt some itchness in the ear.

i guess sometimes things will just change when something procedes for a year.
this is how life is like.

and. i just hate to wake up every morning.
it has been haunting me for weeks.
when will this stop?

so many songs that can depict how i am feeling.
and i really think tanya's songs are too oh my god-ing emo.
but they just reflect the truth and the reality.
i guess only those who have onced loved, understand the songs even more.

managed to bang into someone's blog.
oh well. could see myself in them.
how much they love, how much they gave each other, comes to nth in the end.
15 mths as well.
gosh. unlucky number.
what she says is true.
odd couples get tgt, be it the ugly or pretty.
envy them as they have someone to embrace, to share, to love.
but we...
have no one.
oh well. i just treat it as part and parcel of life.
~~f* it.~~

this entry is getting a little too long.
shall stop.
back to work.
geeeeee....

2008-03-14T02:49:00.003+08:00

freezing...
when will this coldness stop?
not just the weather.

haha.
oh well..
so much so of saying all the nicey words.
but they dun mean anything at all?
is this wad u really want?
i jus dun like it when someone doesnt reply my msg (:
but again, there are still ppl who can still cheer u up.
my presence in ur life doesnt matter anymore.
haha. how insignificant i am.

i guess i have really good 6th sense.
all these are wad i have peredicted all along.
thanks for making it come true.
should i even thank you for that?

2008-03-12T23:36:00.002+08:00

that epi has been stuck in my head for the whole day.
after much thoughts, i feel that i am jodi.
oh gosh. how dumb.

yest had weird dreams.
dreamt of gg to some expedition. and had to climbed up a hill where sands are lose.
then see myself in a toilet. lots of cubicles. i think i was planning to bath. but i din.
and a few numbers appeared. haha.
then i wanted to get a black tie. i found one but i gave to someone who needs it urgently.
time to understand what it means.

Sand -To see sand in your dream, signifies a shift in perspective or a change in your attitude. Consider also the familiar phrase, "the sands of time" in which it may be suggesting that you are wasting your time or letting time pass you by.
Toilet - To see a toilet in your dream, symbolizes a release of emotions or getting rid of something in your life that is useless.
Tie - To see or wear a tie in your dream, represents your obligations and relational bonds. The dream may also be a pun on feeling tied down to a situation or relationship.

somehow it means i am troubled by some r.s problems and it is a waste of time. and i should release my emotions or to get rid smth that is useless.
cool.
so wad should i do?
dreams can be so unhelpful sometimes.

2008-03-11T20:43:00.004+08:00

forget. forget. forget.
its the best antidote now.

"b and t should have stayed together.
they should have the courage to work it out.
and not just running away from each other like that"

is this coincidence or it just happens everytime?
are they really meant for each other?
have they not tried?
someone please enlighten me.

2008-03-10T10:09:00.001+08:00

great.
screwed up my stats quiz.
a big C.
what a good time to take a quiz after all the drama.
f*

2008-03-09T22:57:00.002+08:00

taking back all my words.
i am just being naive.
thanks for allowing me to realise this.

2008-03-09T16:32:00.004+08:00

wad a thing to do in the afternoon.
its not as though i am free.
but somehow, i cant resist myself from doing it.

the past.
they are really missed by me.
before all the unhappiness that sets in.
love at its purest form.
i wish to go right back into the past.

can u feel it around you again?

so many words that i wish to say.
but. i am not in any status to say so. right?
do u have any words for me as well?

so many wishes.
but none can come true.

~~i wish to embrace you once again. i really wish to.~~

2008-03-09T13:16:00.003+08:00

hohoho.
my tutorials are not done.
and i have not listened to the online lecture.
save me~~~

hehehe.
sometimes i have no idea how i am feeling.
does this mean i have recovered?
or?
so. i have concluded to be a smiling-without-feeling freak!
isnt it a nice name?
(:

enough of the s word i tink.
s word will just mean:
i cant do anything but to say that.
i dun tink i want to do anything.
i dun want to try to tink wad i can do.
i wish to put a stop to this.
and is it not supposed to be mentioned at all?
~~hahahaha~~

2008-03-08T16:13:00.004+08:00

its getting really...
tired.
draggy.

its becoming to be...
an imaginary.
a masked truth.

i am becoming...
a hypocrite.
a clown wearing a mask.
a smiling-without-feeling freak. (:

a forced....
smile.
haha.
(:

haha. do u know how to differentiate a haha or a HAHA?
do u know how to guage the intensity of a (: ?

so, should this blog exist at all?
hahaha.
i wonder...

2008-03-08T02:45:00.003+08:00

life is really interesting.
we just go round and round.
past to present. present resembles past.
so interesting.
when will i see the end to it?

wei qi ar wei qi, its time to tink of urself ler.
why are your emotions controlled by others?
when will you lead the life that you really want?
to be bothered or upset or pissed by the same person will not do any good to you, you know?
its time to take this person out of ur life, wei qi.
*bang*

the path to recovery.
was is meant for me or ?
it jus shows how much i love others than myself.
and i guess.
humans shouldnt take things for granted.
goody stuff are not just there for u.
they are there for a reason.
and u need to treasure.

sometimes its just impossible to get the most out of both.
when will this ever going to stop?
haha.
life goes round and round.
past to present. present resembles past.

jia you lor~ to all.

2008-03-07T21:01:00.003+08:00

gosh.
sometimes i really wonder whats gg on.
i am glad. but at the same time i am annoyed.
i guess i dun deserve this ba.

how funny.
i seem to be forced to feel for what went on 2 months ago.
currently i am playing the role of someone. and at the same time my feelings are of the another person.
gosh.
to let me go thru this, will allow me to be more understanding?
i rather not know or understand.

i really have no idea wad to do.

and my godddd.
projects and presentations are killing me.
tutorials.
kill me pls. now!

2008-03-06T00:01:00.004+08:00

watched P.S I love you.
gosh.
its such an emo movie to watch.
but it gets me down to some thoughts.

is it really human beings that are 'jian'?
they only start loving only someone has left?
or they only realised how impt someone is to them when someone is gone?
sigh.
i dun want regrets.
i really dun wish to feel how the main lead is feeling.
it really hurts i guess.

slowly,
i tink i know the feeling.
i know how u felt in the past.
sorry for forcing it to go on.

we will recover.
we will.

and wei qi, u got to wake up.
really wake up.
u are behaving like holly.
is one year wad u need?
wei qi, please.. wake up.

2008-03-05T01:43:00.001+08:00

你最近还好吗 S.H.E

挑一张耶诞卡写上满满祝福的话
地址写的是心底你能不能收到它
天有点冷风有点大城市宁静而喧哗
这一个冬天我得一个人走回家

*问自己习惯了吗没有你每到夜褃回声变得好大
有没有什麽好方法让寂寞更听话
**你最近还好吗是不是也在思念褃挣扎
你说会记得我还记得吗
你最近还好吗忙碌吗累吗心还会痛吗
如果真不得已忘了我快向快乐出发

有再多的牵挂都已没有权利表达
旧情人给的问候比陌生人还尴尬
昨天远了明天还长回忆模糊但巨大
这样的深夜眼泪要怎样不流下

*
** **

2008-03-05T01:29:00.002+08:00

sometimes, some stuff are just not meant for me to see or know.
i have finally realised that.
thanks.

2008-03-04T20:58:00.003+08:00

gosh.
i tink i am such a weirdo.
a major one.
why am i feeling guilty?
why do i feel sorry?
why?
why am i still concern?
can someone please answer me?
please... i want the answer....

2008-03-04T15:03:00.004+08:00

oh my gosh.
first time in history.
i actually... pon lesson!!!!
haha..
i am so amazed by myself. and i feel alright to pon.
gosh. this is not a good sign.

too much of that show might not be good.
being too engrossed makes someone wanting to be in the shoes of the cast.
i guess its happening.
or should i say, it has happened.

life is just unpredictable.
i guess its really important to treasure whoever that is around u.
treasue the love, the friendship, the kinship.
humans are just weird creatures.
they will only know how to treasure when things are gone.
its time to learn.
its time to realise.

chu xiang, i am touched by your determination and optmisitic.
no matter what, i will always be here for u.
yup. all of us need missy poh. u are the one and only missy poh we need. (:
and really big thank you to u.

amanda...
i love u to bits.
haha.
and i promise, this love will never go off.
u will always be my dar.
eh... i mean wad i say k ^^

thanks to those who cared.
sharon, pei zhen, grace, brenda, mdm howe (weird), uni frens.
thank you.

2008-03-02T17:25:00.005+08:00

我最深爱的人伤我却是最深
进退我无权选择紧紧关上心门留下片刻温存
只怕还有来生我爱的依然最真
我最深爱的人伤我却是最深教人无助的深刻
点亮一盏灯温暖我无悔情春燃尽我所有无怨的认真

我该相信你很爱我
不愿意敷衍我还是明白你已不想挽回什么
谁爱得太自由谁过头太远了谁要走我的心
谁忘了那就是承诺
谁自顾自地走谁忘了看着我谁让爱变沉重
谁忘了要给你温柔

紧紧相依的心如何 say goodbye
你比我清楚还要我说明白
爱太深会让人疯狂的勇敢
我用背叛自己完成你的期盼

虽然你还握着我的手
但我已不在你心中
别再看着我
说着你爱过别太伤痛
我不难过这不算什么
只是为什么眼泪会流我也不懂
不要再说或许这是最好的结果
现在分手总好过你不爱我一拖再拖
松开你的手离开你左右我向前走
这会是我真正的解脱

雨后的城市寂寞又狼狈
路边的座位它空着在等谁
我拉住时间它却不理会
有没有别人跟我一样很想被安慰
风停了又吹我忽然想起谁
天亮了又黑我过了好几岁
心暖了又灰世界有时候孤单的很需要另一个同类
爱收了又给我们都不太完美
梦作了又碎我们有几次机会去追
不晓得为什么爱又稀少又昂贵
云在半空中被微风剪碎
回忆也许美可是正在飞走对不对

how am i supposed to understand?
clueless.
but should i be bothered at all? no idea.

2008-03-02T01:23:00.003+08:00

woohooo.
my hand is getting itchy.
my anger has built up beyond the level that my EQ can control.
i really wish to do smth.
can u fulfill my wish?
its easy.
just a tight slap on ur face.
is it possible?
haha.

lalalala.
mad mad mad.
who wants to join in the madness club?

2008-03-01T09:34:00.004+08:00

upset pissed high mad
upset pissed high mad
upset pissed high mad
upset pissed high mad

haha. at this rate. i might snap!
hahahahhahahahahahahahahahaha......!
get away from me before i point a knife at u.
baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....
hahahaha.......!

and wow.
weather is so god damn cold.
come on! freeze my heart!
freeze freeze freeze!!!
hahahahahaha.....!

2008-02-29T12:04:00.003+08:00

someone who used to be dearest to me.
someone who i trust.
someone who i dont doubt in whatever he/she has said.
i gave my trust.
i believe in him/her.
i dont doubt him/her.
i gave freedom.
but wad do i get in the end?
my trust is taken advantage of.
i was living in all the lies made.
i am just a fucking dumb asshole to believe in all that he/she says.
i am a fucking idiot to allow him/her to have the chance to play with my trust.

trust.
how am i supposed to trust anyone again?
a painful lesson learnt.
thanks for teaching me.

2008-02-29T00:43:00.003+08:00

are u concern how much hurt that u have caused?
or are u concern with the one that u are loving now?
just a few days difference, changes are drastic.

ya. ending it is the best solution for us or for u to have a chance to get tgt with the one u love now?
how am i supposed to believe in what u told me when u have lied to me.
lied not once. countless times on the same issue.

sigh.
i am just disappointed. hurt.
i dunno wad else to do.
just have to make sure i move on and make sure i lead a better life.

i wish to recall the good times we had tgt.
but the truth that you have uncovered, buried them all.
a facade?
15 months of facade?

hurt.terribly.

2008-02-28T20:23:00.002+08:00

OMG....
i am totally SHOCKED.STUNNED.ASTONISHED.
haha.
and OVERWHELMED.

cant believe that it actually happened.
were my eyes blind?
or my heart has no sensor?
haha.
or my trust is easily played around?

oh my tian.
i am gg crazy and mad.
like seriously.
haha.
someone help me!!!!

2008-02-27T04:24:00.002+08:00

i am lost.
i am really lost.
this time round, should i love you more or should i love myself more?

clear stand and reasons made.
are they valid? i am not sure.

2 more days.
i hate to countdown.

wad do i exactly want?
is there anything else that i can do now to make u feel?
please tell me there is still love.
please tell me u still feel.
please tell me u care.
please tell me u still treasure.
please tell me u still want it.

wad has exactly gone wrong?

2008-02-26T09:56:00.000+08:00

2 hrs of slp.
woken up by nightmare.
soring eyes.
how long will i need to recover?

2008-02-25T21:31:00.004+08:00

finally i get my emotional intelligence working.
before things go out of control.

15 has just passed.
the beginning of Jan to mid Feb werent good months.
days which we struggled, felt forced, questioning and questioning ourselves.
after the 14th, indirectly, we arrived a conclusion.
after 14 till 24. best days ever since 2008 started off.
they are the days which i have clearly expressed all my thoughts.
and i realised how much i have been not totally expressing myself for the past 13 to 14 months.
its always the negatives that are more than the positives.
i have changed. i realised how easy things could have been if i have expressed myself more.
but, i am too late.

damages have been done.
the scars that stay.
the unpleasant words that still resonate around your ears.
the unpleasant feelings that haunt you whenever you think abt it.

no matter how hard i try.
no matter how much i express.
its just too late.
there is nth i can do now.
have i reached my fullest?
i think so.

love.
something that comes to you or moves away from you, without ur consent and acknowledgement.
something that builds and destroys happiness.
something that makes one laugh or cry.
something that one desire or hate.
something that everyone can't live without.

its taking its leave now.
in just 3 days time.
or less.

a countdown clock that i should create.
a change in status.
name.
position.
lifestyle.
habits.

i will stay optimistic.
but, how much longer?

2008-02-24T01:45:00.004+08:00

sigh.
i wish i could learn how to swollow.
every little minor stuff and things that are around me.

compromised.

it hurts.

2008-02-20T23:58:00.002+08:00

vision of mine seems to be able to view the beauiful scenery ahead of me.
the warmth of the sun has dried the remains of a series of thunderstorms.
the sun rays have chased the cloudy clouds away.
warm wind that is blown seems to be embracing me,
and murmuring into my ears ' everything is goona be alright, don't worry.'
the rustling of the leaves seem to be consoling me 'things are getting better, no more tears ya.'
the brightly bloomed flowers, facing the blazing sun, seems to be telling me 'it will always be sunshine after the rain, never give up.'
a wonderful world.
everything seems to be falling into places.
but...
everything is just a facade.
a facade.

2008-02-17T22:26:00.002+08:00

Vday was memorable.
thanks clique for their support too. if not i wouldnt have done well.
^^
yanzi rocks.

thanks.
the effort that u have put in.
i am touched.

this week is totally hectic.
din even get enough rest during the weekend.
how am i going to survive through this coming week?
sigh.

growing up is part and parcel of life.
and sometimes, growing up, being a young adult can be such a pain.
so much to think about, so much to consider.
maybe life would be different if...
sigh.
the uncertainties and unknowns ahead are intimidating.
i dun wish to be bothered by them.
i need to stay positive.

i am scared.
if that day has to come, where will i stand in the future?
i dun wish to be forgotten.
i dun wish to be neglected.
i dun wish to be replaced.
but... they are just inevitable.
the closer people around you except me, will be the ones that u will remember.
the ones that guide you thru the darkest time.
the ones that supported you.
i dont see myself... anywhere.... be it near or far from u.

sigh.
tell me. where will i be?

2008-02-14T02:05:00.001+08:00

its V day.
happy valentine's day to all~

14th Feb 2008.
i wish time could just stop on this day.

2008-02-11T23:32:00.000+08:00

勉强
下着雨，看着天，试着寻找一丝光芒
雨打在，我脸上，分不清楚是雨是泪
看着你，不了解，你脑海正浮现什么
我无奈，我无助，只能掩饰身上的伤

我们勉强着自己已多久
看不见幸福在你我身旁
也拥抱不到爱情的温度
之间只有冰冰冷冷的雪
勉强着爱情是一种负担
只会拖累彼此前进脚步
爱也已经看不见摸不着
勉强是延迟孤单的到来

what can be done when the fact and truth are disclosed?
should we wait for some miracle to happen?
or to create a dateline for ourselves?
how long more to that dateline?

being in the situation, i can understand the most.
i wouldnt want to push the blame or to put anyone at fault.
all i could say is... i tink i have done my best.
i can never understand wads with the gap.
cos its really up to both to bridge it.
if u refuse to, there is nth that i can do.
u should know.
u should understand it the most.
dun tell me 'i dont know'
dun tell me 'its up to u'
dun tell me 'maybe'
dun tell me 'perhaps'
cos its not possible for you not to know.

what is it that is lacking?
what is it that is hindering?
what is it that is stopping u?

i know nth.
wad am i supposed to do then?

2008-02-10T23:16:00.000+08:00

new year.
managed to get some rest, complete some assignments and do some visitng and meeting up.
its fun. and i enjoyed myself. ^^

this is the first time that i feel the happiness in a big family.
time passes really quickly.
here we are in 2008, watching the videos that were taken in 1993.
ah ma, all my uncles and aunties. their faces now and then have betrayed the time that was gone.
all my cousins. being young adults now, knows how to behave and treasures the little time that is avaliable during this special occasion. and all of us share alot.
it feels good to be part of them, part of the family.
but ironically, i hope i wasnt.

talking abt the videos, haha. i just couldnt stop laughing.
i didnt know that i love singing when i was just a K1 kid.
and i saw myself singing some songs that i do not know how to sing now.
and i am proud to say that i was on key ^^
and i just can't let go the mic.
i din know this part of my life actually existed.
i guess this is the only part of my childhood that was the sweetest.
what i could remember shouldnt be locked in my memory chest at all.
sigh.
in some part of the videos, i wasnt part of it.
i had missed so much fun that my cousins had together.
its all because of....
sigh.

on a lighter note, i am glad that i picked up singing once again.
i wouldnt say that i can sing well. but i guess its part of me.
from wad i can remember, i wasnt really interested in singing from p1 to p6. i guess.
thanks to yanzi.
i guess she is the one who sparks my interest once again.

appreciate my ah ma and my 2 aunties.
they shouldnt be doing this at all.
shouldnt u be feeling guilty?

wad do i want now?
wad do u want now?
sometimes, i could feel hints from the sky above, knocking me into senses.
but. what should i do exactly?
if i am not getting wad i want, shouldnt it be time for me to wake up from the fantasies that i am living in?

to ask me once more.
it will be 50-50

rainbow appears after the rain.
but they just dun stay.
thick clouds just disallow sun rays to penetrate through them.
was too naive. thought clouds will be blown away sooner or later.
but they just dun. so when will i see that sun ray once again?

am i doing what i really wish to do?
am i trying too hard?
or am i doing these from my bottom of my heart?
if they are just for show, and not appreciated, i dun have the energy that motivates me anymore.
if u know the feeling that i am experiencing, shouldnt u be there to comfort me.
shouldnt u move on from the past?
i am lost.
tell me wad else to do.
tell me when to stop.
tell me wad should the result be.
i dun wish to feel tired.
but i could feel i wouldnt be able to last any longer.
sigh.
give me a hand if u wish to.
let go of ur hand if u want to.
thats all that i can say.

2008-02-09T20:53:00.000+08:00

looking thru the past messages.
my heart aches.
thats wad has left me.
something that i will never be able to get it back. again.
yes. i need to move on.
but i really i really wish to say sorry.
not sure if i am in any fault.
but. thats fate i guess.

is it worth at all?

2008-02-03T00:09:00.000+08:00

i guess its time to review all lessons learnt.
overly mindful is being cruel to myself.
overly optimistic is blinding off the truth before me.
overly forgiving is deciving myself.
overly confident is being untrue to myself.

so much so of what i should not do.
what should i do then?

2008-02-01T23:37:00.000+08:00

sometimes i really wish i could just hold my temper,
and making the unpleasant invisible.
but, i can't.
sorry.

i guess this will repeat the cycle again.
the ups and downs.
its been a long way to raise to this level.
is this a level of artificial or imaginary?
is this a level to comfort me?
is this a level just what can be provided to make me feel a little secured?
sigh.

tell me if i'm too rush
tell me if i'm unreasonable
tell me if i'm being such a fuss
tell me if u are tired... again.

2008-01-29T23:38:00.000+08:00

i have lost.
after much wars that i have fought.
i have lost.
ever since it started.

i see myself in a large crowd, and i thought i was the main lead.
but i am wrong. terribly wrong.
what's wrong?
i guess this is how insignificant i am.

insignificant me, giving insignificant thoughts, care and concern.
insignificant contributions, insignificant effects.
how much insignificant efforts i have to put in, in order to reach that significant level in your heart?
it seems so far to attain.
it seems so hard to reach.
i have tried.
really hard.

i am not pissed or angry.
i am just a little upset.

2008-01-25T14:47:00.000+08:00

陈奕迅-预感

爱你变习惯不再稀罕
我们该冷静谈一谈
你说你喜欢一点点浪漫
却把跟随我的脚步放慢
没有你分享分担我的快乐悲伤
心情天天天天纷乱
我一再试探你一再隐瞒
是谁改变爱情原来的模样

有一种预感爱就要离岸
所有回忆却慢慢碎成片断
不能尽欢爱总是苦短
我只想要你最后的答案
有一种预感想挽回太难
对你还有无可救药的期盼
我坐立难安望眼欲穿
我会永远守在灯火阑珊的地方

2008-01-25T02:45:00.000+08:00

开始了解那真正的原因。
开始知道应该怎么处理。
开始体会到那种不知所措的感觉。
开始让自己看开一点。
开始要学会不去流泪。
开始试着独立的生活。
开始学习不去想太多。

如果我真的先离开这世界，你会恨我吗?
如果没有我在你身边，你还是能过的很好，对吗?

你 _ 我吗?如果 _ ，那又是多少呢?

2008-01-23T21:28:00.000+08:00

距离是如何造成的?
是一方太过于积极想挽回，而让对方感到反感?
还是另一方的忽视?
还是另一方的放弃?
心不够近才怕距离。就是答案吗?

距离是选择吗?
还是感情控制的?
感情虽说负面的，但自己的选择还是最终的答案，不是吗?
不管一方费尽多少力气，这距离只会越来越远。
远得不能挽回，不能够抢救。
最终，谁的伤痕最多?
谁又能再一次相信爱情是永恒的?

想太多是多余的吗?
不想才是对的吗?
不想是一个不好的前兆吗?
也许是个放弃的开始，也许是麻痹了。

告诉我，我应该怎么办。。。
仿佛正在来回访地狱和天堂。。。
有一点。。。难受。。。

2008-01-13T04:44:00.001+08:00

这是个过渡期吗?
两人都似乎累了。
鼓励的话都没办法说出口。
不知所措。都不知道下一步该如何走。
只能等。等待一个转机，一个奇迹。
眼睁睁看见彼此的距离越拉越远。
无能为力。
这就是我们的命运，对吗?

2008-01-12T16:26:00.000+08:00

现在的我
脑海一片混乱
我到底要的是什么?
我在要求什么?
下一步应该这么走?
我应该用什么心态来面对呢?
我要如何说服自己一切都会没事?
不管我有都猴急，渴望，这一切一切都不在我的控制范围。
如何让自己能跨出那一大步，让自己不计较，让自己不再那么在乎?
如何让自己看清自己的世界，在不知不觉中看见美丽的风景?
如何能把手放松，放开时也能洒脱，也能减轻伤口?
我要得是一点指示，一点的勇气，一点的信心。
在那里才能找到呢?

单手承担，不如放手。对吗?

2008-01-09T23:24:00.001+08:00

haha.
this is getting so interesting.
i guess we will onli realise when it has faded away.
jia you lor~

how dramatic can life be??
wad a disgraceful act that i have performed.
haha.
shame on me.
they should not be part of it.
they are the wasted cast.
i guess i need to stop them from coming in.
jia you ba, weiqi.

this is how life can be.
interesting, isn't it?

2008-01-08T02:56:00.000+08:00

i am the happiest girl on earth ^^

hahaha. concern huh. how concern is ur concern?
the speed of the reply shows everything.
ahem. are u bothered at all?
haha. i dun tink so.
enjoy wadever u are doing ba.
in the means of it, dun forget ur surname. ^^

yea. and tml will just be a brand new day.
what happened yest was just for yest right?
and ya. u wun be bothered by wad happened yest.
aren't u cool?
yes.
so cool.
haha. making me feel so. uncool.

haha. let this be the fact.
i am the fine and happy ^^
this is wad u want me to be ya.
just rmb that i am the happiest girl.
so nice of me rite.

2008-01-07T23:17:00.000+08:00

things are supposed to get better, but it dun seems to be.
misunderstanding has been cleared, apology has been said, compromise has been performed.
but. but. i feel the unsteadiness.
do not know what can i actually do to make myself to feel better.
guess u are fine. hope u are. (=

dunno what can i say further.
what do u need now?
attention? comfort?
the emptiness.
sorry. maybe i am not the one to fill them up.
it has reached a max.
i dunno what else can i do to make things better.
follow ur passion, thats wad i can say.
i guess its not too late for a return.

its just the beginning of 2008.
and i am dreading.
but still, there are still some ppl that will add a little more sunshine to my life.
thanks to them.

helpless.icraveforthesmileiusedtohave.

2008-01-04T00:47:00.000+08:00

Sunny came home to her favorite room
Sunny sat down in the kitchen
She opened a book and a box of tools
Sunny came home with a mission

She says days go by I am hypnotized
I'm walking on a wire
I close my eyes and fly out of my mind
Into the fire

Sunny came home with a list of names
She didn't believe in transcendence
It's time for a few small repairs she said
Sunny came home with a vengeance

She says days go by I don't know why I am hypnotized
I'm walking on a wire
I close my eyes and fly out of my mind
Into the fire

Get the kids and bring a sweater
Dry is good and wind is better
Count the years, you always knew it
Strike a match, go on and do it

Days go by I'm hypnotized
I'm walking on a wire
I close my eyes and fly out of my mind
Into the fire

Light the sky and hold on tight
The world is burning down
She's out there on her own and she's alright
Sunny came home
Sunny came home...

2007-12-31T00:49:00.000+08:00

i really have no idea.
have i not done enough as a friend?
what else more can u ask from me?

who is the one changing?
when is the last time that we can just chat our lungs out?
who actually needs another? who actually does not need another?

i am disappointed.
or should i say that i am dumb.
a friend is wad u need or just a replacement or just someone that will make u feel less lonely?

tell me if u dun need me.
tell me to show how inferior i am to others.
i want to stop tinking highly of myself in ur heart.

really wonder.
who am i exactly to u.
who am i?

2007-12-30T01:23:00.000+08:00

well well well.
a ___ from ____ is grealty appreciated and acknowledged.
wad abt mine?
all the ____ put into the _____ had vapourised into the air.

never felt so _____ before.
never had this _______ feeling before.
all i can say. this _____ .
why should i put in so much ______, and not being _____ and _______ with the similar _____?

i need to _____ .

2007-12-26T17:39:00.001+08:00

its been abt 2 to 3 months?
thought things would be better if i avoid it.
but it seems wrong.
i dun wish to threaten the friendship that we have.
maybe ppl ard me or even myself will question, 'is that friendship worthwhile?'
sigh.
i really have no idea wad to do.
the feeling of helplessness.
the agony.
wad can i do to be fair to both?

shall not dwell on it.
christmas... was rather fun.
friends forever! love u guys! ^^

just 2 more days to doom.
results day.
nnnnnooooooooooooooooooo!!!!

2007-12-22T23:52:00.000+08:00

when did it start?
i dunno.
is it true?
i dunno.
am i being dumb?
i dunno.
have i tink too highly of myself?
i dunno.
have i made mistakes?
i dunno.
am i being used?
i dunno.
am i upset?
i dunno.

i can only hope that they are untrue.
but to believe they are untrue, is just a way to console myself or to deceive myself?

2007-12-20T00:45:00.000+08:00

i really hope...
its the last time.
can't explain for the tears though.
sigh.

the skill of 胡思乱想 is back.
that explains for the bad dream.
and the unnecessary emo periods.
why is the fear coming back again?

~~i guess i am scared of losing you...~~

2007-12-16T16:42:00.000+08:00

my wish granted.
i am officially jobless. haha.
got to really enjoy the rest of the hoildays before life is being customised by the dreaded timetable.
rah.

we should take up other hobbies rather than just eating.
this is so bad for health.
haha.

alrights.
i am bored now.

2007-12-12T00:56:00.000+08:00

just another day of relexation and i am off to work.
sigh.
i dun wish to work. )=
i want my holidays to be longer.
rah!

2007-12-05T01:46:00.000+08:00

thanks for telling me.
if not the dumbest, most insensivtive me will never realise the mistakes.
tell me,
wad can i do to heal all the wounds that i have inflicted on u?

2007-12-03T01:51:00.001+08:00

holiday~
this is the time that i have always been waiting for.
time for me to do whatever i want to.
finished one drama, completed various games from my ps, watched plenty of tv programs.
though they seems dumb to do for some, i still feel a sense of satisfaction.
a time just for myself.
to be alone.
to give myself time to decide what i want my life to be.
a life that revolves ard myself.
an enlightment that i have gotten from a movie.
~~is this wad u want me to learn from it?~~

another enlightment:
没有期望，就没有失望。
a motto that i will live on from now on.
自己的人生，自己跑，才看见生命中美丽的风景。

hope there are more enlighments to come.

2007-11-23T00:30:00.000+08:00

2 more papers.
rah.
exams are really brain-draining.
dun like it.

i hope u are alright.

should i work?
but i guess there are no jobs for me.

rah. i am bored.

shall mug.
sianzzzzzzz =.=

2007-11-18T17:39:00.000+08:00

最近，终于体会到人性有时是非常的残酷的。
有时不愿去相信，但事实却一次又一次赤裸裸的摆在眼前。
亲情，友情，爱情。没有一项不例外。
真的是要等到失去了在懂得后悔吗?
真的是要等到失去才懂得珍惜吗?
真的要得到了教训才了解吗?
真的越来越不清楚。

太重视，却被忽略，伤痕更疼。
不重视，意识是什么?
到底应该重视或不重视?
我需要答案。。。

2007-11-18T00:11:00.001+08:00

i dun understand.
wad have i done to deserve this?

2007-11-17T00:07:00.001+08:00

401st post.

1 paper down. 3 more to come.
sianz.

did i do smth wrong to pissed you off or wad?
fill me in if there is.
if there isnt, i dun seems to deceive this.

sigh.
all these shi* accumulated by the Ss.
RAH!

2007-11-13T00:04:00.000+08:00

can someone pls teach me how to:
be ignorant
heal a broken heart
stop tears from flowing
forget
be strong

tried all means
making sure someone doesn't get hurt
but
i got all the pain inflicted on me
what have i done to deserve all these?

2007-11-12T01:11:00.000+08:00

我怀念的...
sigh...

2007-11-10T20:29:00.001+08:00

sigh sigh sigh
it shows the truth, isnt it?

2007-11-09T18:36:00.000+08:00

at this crucial time.
at this crossroad.
a push is what i get.
should i thank you or not?

2007-11-08T23:18:00.000+08:00

有时候，真的不知道我所做的一切是为了什么。
真的觉得好傻好傻。
真的值得我这么做吗?
得到的永远不是那雀跃的情绪，而是沉重的，失望的，复杂的，感觉。

情绪永远都不在我的控制之下。
我讨厌我自己。
只能怪我自己，不是吗?

2007-11-06T23:10:00.000+08:00

突然想用华语来写出我今天的心情。
是我太过分了吗?
是我要求得太多了吗?
还是打从一开始，我就不应该在你身上要求什么。
我会学着改变。
我会看开一些。这样可能会让我更好过一点吧。

玻璃墙

还记得爱情刚开始的时候
我们沉溺于甜蜜之中
敞开了心房
许下了承诺
答应彼此永远都不分离

时间使爱情失去原有的价值
把一切似为理所当然
糟蹋了爱情
守着那承诺
却剩下彼此留下的躯壳

爱已逝而不见
玻璃墙已在我们之间
拥抱着你
却感受不到原有的温度
听不见你
曾对我说过的一字一句
玻璃墙让我看见距离
而不是爱
有没有挽救的机会?
还是这已是我们的定局?

你的言语，我无法相信。
我的暗示，你毫不知情。
谁能够解释？
你的沉默，我的冷漠。
到底是谁的错?

2007-11-05T02:00:00.001+08:00

is it me or is it you?
am i expecting too much?
am i being demanding?
it happened too many times...
its gg to numb me one day...

2007-10-31T01:39:00.000+08:00

wad can i say.
i realised the fact already.
i am just a fool.
u dun ask for those days we used to have.
i shall compromise.
how many more times do i need to compromise?

a fool to actually believe what u used to say.
how true are all statements made?
simple words that actually can fool me around and around.
i am fucking stupid.

2007-10-28T23:23:00.000+08:00

great.
first thing in the morning.
spoilt my sunday.
thanks dar for being there for me. ^^

words and words.
do they represent anything?
they dun.
no actions shown.
i guess my life has got nth to do with u now.
go ahead with what u want.
if this is what u want.
be a n* if u want.
be a m* if u want.
be who ur parents want u to be.
dun ever expect me to compromise your plans anymore.
i have enuff of this.

your reply is too late.
2 hours.
anything would have happened.
u just dun get it right?
it is long enuff for u to lose me.
believe me.

2007-10-28T01:26:00.000+08:00

tired.
i am really tired.
hate to say this.
but how wish i can just disappear.
to a place where no one can find me.
just me. alone.

2007-10-18T12:15:00.000+08:00

its always when i am alone, my imagination cells will work really well.
i wish to break free from all these.
but i cant

impatient. intolerant.
is it me?
or is it you?

i need a break.
in everything.
i am tired. really tired.

2007-10-16T00:05:00.000+08:00

realized how long i have been deceiving myself.
realized i am being too strong for too long.
how much time do i need to discover the wei qi again?

why.
its always when tears are dispensed, you...

i can no longer feel the love ard me.
i feel lonely once again.
welcome back, mr lonely.
how long its ur stay this time round?

2007-10-15T01:17:00.000+08:00

a night like this.
lonely and cold.
that when one couldn't feel the glimpse of light and the warmth.

who has caused all these?
who has taken away what i can have?
if not for you, i wouldn't feel my life to be so empty.
i hate you.
i hate for wad u have done.
i hate for the wound that you have inflicted on me.
wounds have become scar. they will never leave me.
i wish i could erase u off my life.

bcos of u,
i am indifferent from others.
i lose all my confidence.
i lose the happiness that others have.
i hate u.
i really do.

2007-10-13T23:26:00.000+08:00

i dun feel wad i used to feel.
its no longer complete.
incomplete.
incomplete.

2007-10-12T22:32:00.000+08:00

thanks to the 2 emo peeps who came down.
the flowers (:

have the urge to type in chinese.
but can't.

but still. have to thanks for those who cared.

sometimes, we just can't control how things could happen.
and utimately, it will be left as a 遗憾 .
even if we can control, are we putting the best effort to save the situation?
its just human's characterisitc - not treasuring.
who could be blamed?
it takes both hands to clap.
the other just refused to hit on to the other hand.

ppl come and go.
some will stay with us for a lifetime. till the day we stop breathing.
some will leave, cos they find the reason to distant.
i really wonder... who could actually stay with me for a lifetime?
there dun seems to be any.

coldness.
distance.
unfamiliarity.
ignorant.
barrier.

is it good to comapre?

2007-10-10T23:09:00.000+08:00

reality has proved me wrong.
you don't know me.

2007-10-09T00:18:00.000+08:00

if time is gg to travel back to the past,
would anyone wish to bang into me again on the streets?
would anyone still wish that i could cross their life path?

if i would to die,
would anyone remember me?
would anyone miss me?

2007-10-06T17:56:00.000+08:00

standing in the middle of the circle,
having everyone standing at 50m away from me.
is this the best solution?
life is as per normal,
my existence doesn't really matter.
dun be bothered by me, thats wad i can say.

2007-10-06T01:38:00.003+08:00

its empty still.
but smth is sinking in.
thats disappointment.

2007-10-04T22:40:00.001+08:00

emptiness within...
who could fill it up?

2007-10-03T22:22:00.000+08:00

wad can i do to help myself?
it hurts to expose more of myself.
it really hurts.

2007-10-02T22:43:00.000+08:00

this is the time when every little things can just defeat me.
falling apart.

2007-10-02T00:02:00.000+08:00

its time.

2007-10-01T01:38:00.000+08:00

recess is over.
rah.
i tink i wasted lots of time on doing other stuff other than resting and studying.
sigh.

next holiday will be the end of nov...
thats like long.
and lots more exams are coming up.

tink i need to be a nerd soon.

2007-09-30T04:04:00.000+08:00

time really flies.
2007 is coming to an end soon.
and the first day of sch in zss was 6 years back~
the very first day that i got to know her.

i miss the days...
sushi, diam sum, seoul garden, macdonalds.
gossip, secret sharing.
trust.
time will never be turned back.
all these will not happen anymore.

i just wish for a day...
is it too much?

2007-09-29T00:49:00.000+08:00

true enuff. its always sunshine after the rain.
but soon the sun rays will be blocked once again by the cloudy gloomy clouds, and here comes the rain, again.
sigh.
thought this sunshine period would have lasted longer.
but the truth has already proved me wrong.
yes, once again, i am gg to face what i have been facing for the past few months.
the irritated me, the annoyed you.
the impatient me, the ignorant you.
the disappointed me, the helpless you.
the truth told and realised.
the uncovering of the fact.
this is the time. the time that i needed all of the As and Ss.
sigh.
they are just not coming.
and it all falls back to the same question again.
is this a childish or a matured choice??

sigh.
drizzle has started.
thunderstorm has yet to arrive.

do i need to beg you?
i know i am just not the right one for you.

2007-09-28T00:26:00.000+08:00

personal future VS pleasing parents
wad will you choose?
can u make the best out of the 2.
its difficult.
sigh

2007-09-27T20:03:00.001+08:00

on the 17th sept, a lovely, cute, little bubbly baby girl made her way to this world.
to be embraced by her parents, and relatives.
to show her appearence after 9 months of suspense.
and thats Chloe Ng. ^^

Congrats to Mdm Howe~
she is jus so cute ^^

2007-09-27T19:31:00.000+08:00

recess is coming to an end real soon.
and wad have i accomplished?
nth.
sigh.

can't deny.
i am not seeking any helping hands ard.
i know i can face the reality myself.
like i said, the horrendous 'E' has appeared.
well.
i will be ok.

a gamble.
once again, at this familar place.
at this place where there are roller coaster of feelings-anxiety, disapointment, gratefulness, excitement.
decided to face it myself.
did i make the right choice at all?
there are only 2 consequences:
to be myself once again or
to lose all my courage and confidence.

rah.
It proj, Fm essay, Acct Proj-incomplete.
Bus Law Assignment yet to send in. need editing.
thats wad all recess week is abt.

2007-09-27T01:29:00.000+08:00

proj proj and proj
trying my very best to enjoy the process.
its really... not enjoyable at all. haiz.

sigh.
dun seems to feel right today.
sigh.
the emo side of me seems to has reappearence.

it takes both hands to clap.
sigh.
y is this happening again?
there is nth much i can do.
and sometimes, i really hate to wait.

sigh
dunno wads gg on
dunno wads on my mind
haiz.

2007-09-26T03:09:00.000+08:00

helpless
it explains all.

2007-09-24T23:37:00.001+08:00

ten...
still counting.
thanks for the wonderful time that u have given me. ^^

pics pics pics

fries.... yummy...

Fish Baked rice...

cHicken baked rice...

here comes the heavenly dessert. MERi-MINT
its really nice... oh gosh... i want more.......

first day of recess week.
hmm. got to revise on my modules soon this week.
someone insists on saying that i am nerd.
i am not la! RAh

tired...
should i slp now?

2007-09-22T21:16:00.000+08:00

who is weiqi?

a girl
yup
but she has this really remarkable quality in her
she is like a .. bouncy chirpy girl
but at times she can be like the world most gloomy person, and for absoutely no concrete reason
she can be like independent, not really wanting ot rely on others..
and at other times, she is like any kid
she is really caring though she doesnt think so..
but she loves to lie ... no idea why huh..
oh but she got her twisted theory to back her up so.. its really upto the person to accept or not
and of course her best best best friend at home is a small terror
called jodi
yup
oh and she has this clear and girly voice
really skillful yup!
and she spend most of her time doing her business stuff.. as you can see she is rather nerdy.. exceling in her academic
and other times watching tvee.. her staple diet
she lovs man with attitude.. or should i say boys with attitude? either way would do.

all these embodies her
this is her
if you take one or two things out
she won't be her anymore

thanks for accepting me as a whole. ^^

2007-09-22T10:22:00.000+08:00

sigh...
a chance missed again. )=
when will we have the chance again?
)= )= )= )= )=

2007-09-20T22:46:00.000+08:00

Buang
Boomed
Bad
sigh.

i tink i need to start loving the word MUG.
and to carry this passion with me to the end of nov.

woo~
300 days.
we should give ourselves a round of applause~
there will be more 300 days to come ya.
^^

2007-09-19T23:10:00.000+08:00

keywords of my current th0ughts:
inferior
differences
gap
incompatibility
lost
can u link them up?